Breakups are rarely easy!
And there are lots of different types of breakups.
The casual breakup for example: You meet someone online, go out a few times and then you get ghosted. It hurts, but you’ll get over it pretty easily.
Another type of breakup involves abuse or betrayal. Along with the pain associated with abusive relationships, the breakup may foster a sense of relief. However, the underlying erosion of self-esteem, can still be wrenching and difficult to overcome.
An extreme example of a “breakup” is the death of a long-term partner. The crushing sense of loss can be so devastating, it’s not uncommon for surviving partners to die within a few years.
In some cases, the sense of loss can almost paralyze you emotionally. You may have a tendency to withdraw and isolate in an attempt to protect yourself.
Each of these different situations present different levels of feeling and require a different level of “work” to overcome.
A challenging part of the healing process includes allowing yourself to be open to the vulnerability of building new connections with other people.
Here are 10 suggestions, to be applied with compassion and patience, to help you overcome a breakup.
1 – Start by writing a list of all the good and a separate list of all the bad that was in the relationship. Every relationship has a mix of both. Seeking an honest evaluation of the negatives and positives can help you prepare for a new relationship, by not exaggerating the previous one.
If you focus only on the good, you may create such a lovely fantasy that it becomes hard to find a new partner who can measure up to your fantasy.
On the other hand, focusing only on the bad may create such a negative picture that you feel cynical about any attempt to create new connections.
2 – A breakup can have a strong impact on your physical and emotional health. We encourage you to pamper yourself. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Focus on maintaining a healthy diet and be sure to get plenty of rest.
It’s also an important time to avoid “self-medicating” with alcohol, sugary treats, or any form of recreational drugs. Healing, as painful as it is, is short circuited by the use of emotionally numbing psychic modifiers. At such a vulnerable time, you may be at greater risk of psychological dependency or even physical addiction.
3 – It’s especially important to get outside every day. There are lots of studies showing the benefits of walking in nature, breathing in the air near trees and flowers, or the healthy effect of being near water.
4 – And while we’re talking about nature, it can be very helpful to take care of something…such as a garden, or a pet. When you provide care for plants or animals, it helps you focus on them, and not just on yourself.
5 – Our bodies literally retain our pains as toxins, so it’s important to do physical activities to work out these toxins. Get out to the gym on a regular basis. Yoga can be good for the body, mind, and spirit.
6 – You can also get the help of an energy worker to help release painful toxins. There are many different types of therapies, such as Reiki, or Bowen, or regular massage.
7 – Laughter is excellent “medicine” for whatever ails you. You can watch comedies on Net Flix. Or better yet, join a group and go to the movies. Laughing as part of a group can multiply the health and recovery benefits.
8 – If your family is supportive, reach out and connect with them. Getting back to your roots can be grounding. Look for ways to enjoy activities you enjoyed as a child, like pizza night and a long game of Monopoly.
However, if your family tends to be critical, or blame you for the breakup, it’s a good time to cut back on your connections with them.
9 – Choose a friend to be your “accountability buddy.” Set some guidelines to create some structure for your healing. Make a promise to connect with them everyday. Go out on Friday nights, rather than stay late at work. Or, if you tend to want to hide in bed, your buddy can help you start your day by meeting you for coffee. Let them know how they can help you avoid isolating.
10 – If you are religious, you can reconnect with your spirituality. You can pray or meditate every day to get in touch with the wisdom and comfort of your divine.
And finally, although we want to encourage you to avoid hanging out in sadness, do remember that this process of emotional healing can take time. Be patient with yourself. Depending on your situation and your personal strengths, it can take weeks, or months, or even years in some extreme cases.
You can also get help from Angeline!
Let’s talk and I’ll help you get clarity about your next steps.
To Your Relationship Mastery,
Angeline & Dixon