Have you been betrayed?
Most of us have, in some way. And it’s painful!
There are different types of betrayal, perhaps someone cheated on you?
On the lighter end, perhaps your friend “threw you under the bus” with a joke they told about you?
In any case, the bottom line is, someone you trusted let you down. They didn’t have your back. They didn’t protect you and stand up for you. They weren’t sensitive enough to avoid hurting your feelings.
If you were repeatedly betrayed by your parents, who were insensitive and critical while you were going through the unavoidable mistakes of childhood, you may have serious trust issues.
If a best friend betrayed you by gossiping about something you shared in private, you may avoid trusting future friends.
When someone breaks trust with us, it damages our ability to build trust with others in the future.
The biggest issue with repeated betrayals is… we begin to draw away from people in general. We don’t just mis-trust the ones who betrayed us. We tend, at times, to distance ourselves from everyone.
We may isolate ourselves emotionally, in order to avoid the pain and disillusionment of another betrayal.
In an effort to avoid painful feelings, you may close your heart. This time to everyone.
To justify your withdrawal, you may say things to yourself, such as, “all men are jerks” or “you can’t trust anyone.”
But as human beings, it’s in our DNA to bond. We yearn to be close to someone, to have a companion who loves and accepts us.
With time, the natural course of healing may begin and you cautiously open to new love but this time, more than ever before, you want to feel safe.
So, what can you do?
One thing you can do is learn to recognizing Red Flags. As you get to know a person, watch to see if they are generally sensitive to others. Observe how this new person interacts with people.
- How do they treat the waitress or waiter when you’re in a restaurant?
- Do they gossip and tell negative stories about others?
- What do they say about their family or their previous partners?
- What is their attitude toward their boss and co-workers?
- Are they respectful and responsive when you express your preferences and wants?
- Do they follow through and do the things they say they’re going to do?
Before you allow a new lover into your heart, take your time, get to know them. Pay attention and be honest with yourself and look for plenty of opportunities to observe potential partners BEFORE you risk your heart again.
“When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Oprah Winfrey
Don’t allow your yearning to connect with someone, to override your heart’s intuition.
The two most important characteristics of a potential partner are these:
1 – are they basically honest?
2 – are they willing to do “the work” to build a relationship with you?
You, like all human beings, deserve to be in a loving relationship but like all worthy endeavors, it may require you to learn some new skills so that you, too can “do the work” of building a truly satisfying relationship.
Are you curious about what skills you may need? Get a free Relationship Skills Assessment by Clicking HERE to schedule a call with Angeline
To Your Relationship Mastery,
Angeline & Dixon